Am I Doing this Right?

It’s all uncharted territory. The work that I want to do feels like I’m sailing into international waters, throwing myself at the mercy of things outside of my control. I move forward knowing what kind of work gives me a deep gladness. I’ve heard tales of a promised land where you get to live out your calling.

But at every step of this journey I keep asking myself, “Am I doing this right?”

I try and make the questions seem strategic or tactical, but you can still hear the insecurity and doubt underneath what I’m asking. I’m much more concerned with whether I am conducting myself properly than actually moving forward in my journey.

But what is this standard I’m judging myself against? Is there someone that is doing this correctly? Someone who has set the bar for everyone else? If only someone could give me a map, I wouldn’t have to think for myself.

It’s an unsolvable paradox to say what I’m doing is uncharted, but also has a standard I need to follow. I’m not looking for answers to whether I’m doing this right or not. It’s the way my brain is trying to protect me from the unknown. My brain sees the world as either dangerous or safe. Unknown is dangerous. Uncharted is risky. It wants to stay with what is familiar because familiar is safe.

But once you name it, you can’t ever un-know it. I’ve given it the same name that Steven Pressfield calls it “The Resistance”. Once you notice it, you can cut through fog it creates and see the horizon.